


practice not sounding like an asshole

by unheraldedUltimatum



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, M/M, Pre-Fake AH Crew
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-20 11:58:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9490064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unheraldedUltimatum/pseuds/unheraldedUltimatum
Summary: will i finally be able to write a chaptered jerematt fic that doesn't rush directly in to smooches................................................. tune in to find out





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> you may be wondering........................ don't you already have another fahc jerematt chaptered fic? isn't that enough? why must you burden us with more? well. that's episodic and doesn't take things slow i wanna try plot and keeping the smooches just out of reach for once. suffer

Well.

 

This?  This was absolutely far away from South Carolina.  Sure, not as far away as Canada or something, but hey, a crime-riddled city in California would do.

 

Oh, yeah, crime.  That’s probably going to be something.  Something Matt would probably end up doing.  Yeah, that sounds... thrilling?  He probably wouldn’t turn it down.

 

That could wait, he just had to  _ get _ there first.  Through a day and a half worth of driving.  Fucking great.

 

* * *

 

One last rest stop before he made it.  Matt could just feel all his worries fall away along with his piss.  He only had so much cash on hand, but he decided to treat himself to some good ol’ vending machine snacks, too.

 

However, on his way over, Matt bumped into a shorter man.  And before he could get out a quick apology, said shorter man turned to him and said “Y’know what?” in a thick Boston accent.  Matt was almost too busy praying to whatever the fuck to hear him proceed to say, “Which one do you want?”

 

“... What?”

 

“Ehh, well, you’re here, I’m here, I got cash to spare, how ‘bout I do something nice?”  There was silence for a second before he continued.  “Oh, is it the accent?”

 

“Well, I wasn’t gonna say anything because you could probably crush me with one hand, but.  That’s certainly a factor, yeah.”

 

He started laughing, which momentarily made Matt not terrified of him.  “You’re damn right I could.  Now, what is it?  You look like a skittles guy.”  Emphasis on  _ momentarily _ .

 

* * *

 

Oh, did Matt say he was only  _ considering _ a life of crime?  Sorry, he meant starting one.  Right now.  He hasn’t even been in town for an hour and he’s already psyching himself up for robbing this gas station.  For goodness sake, Matt.

 

While he actually prepared a little bit for this, he also felt like a middle schooler giving a presentation.  Was this a good gun?  Was he going to get sick from using some random paper bag he found as a mask?  Who knows.

 

The holes he cut in the mask didn’t exactly make seeing stuff to the side very easy, but Matt certainly felt like there was somebody else just to his left when he went to point a gun at the cashier.  And this was confirmed by hearing “What the  _ fuck _ ” beside him in an accent that, well, definitely isn’t from California.

 

“Oh, god.”  The guy had a mask and a gun this time, but that accent combined with that height and those muscles made it pretty clear that it was the guy from the rest stop.  “I…  I  _ really _ didn’t expect to see you again, or like this.”

 

“What are you-  Ohh, skittles guy!”  He gave Matt a pat on the shoulder with his free hand.  “That’s cool, but…  Get outta here.”

 

“What?  No!  Why me?”

 

“Well, you said it yourself earlier…”  He flexed his arms dramatically.

 

“Shut up.”  Looking back to where the cashier should’ve been standing, he noticed the cashier actually curled up in a ball behind the counter and called the police in that time.  “Oh, wow, great.  Awesome.”

 

There was kind of no hope in either of them trying to actually rob the place at that point, so both ran.  Matt was too busy trying to avoid getting arrested on his first night in a new city to pay much mind to the fact that the other guy was running pretty close.

 

He had a moment to fully acknowledge that while he was starting up his car and that asshole hopped in the passenger seat.  “... ‘Scuse me?”

 

“I, okay, I have an excuse, just go.”

 

* * *

 

“You  _ walked _ to the place you were planning to rob?   _ Really? _ ”

 

“I did, but there’s also, uh.”  He swallowed and flicked on one of the lights on the ceiling of the car.  “I wanna talk to you.”

 

“Look, if it’s you changing your mind on buying me snacks, I’m not willing to pay you back,  _ but _ half the bag is still left-”

 

“No, no, not that.  I mean, I’ll take some if you’re offering.”  He put his hand out for some skittles before continuing.  “What I wanna say is, we bumped into each other at that rest stop, then we tried to rob the same place at the same time, so that means…”

 

“I’ve got shitty luck?”

 

“Means we might be destined to be together.”

 

“You- you don’t even know if I go that way.”   _ I mean, I  _ do, _ just not for  _ this _ kinda guy. _

 

“I’ll admit I didn’t word that too good.  I meant a friend way, you’re too much of a prick.”

 

“Wow.  Not exactly making me want to spend time with you right now.”

 

“Yeah, I know, but, one quick question before I maybe get outta your hair forever, alright?”

 

“Fuck it, go ahead.”

 

“Do you even have a place to sleep tonight?”

 

Matt had spent about a week on planning to come here, tops.  That week was mostly comprised of surviving until he knew his car wouldn’t break down along the way.  “Uh, I was in a hurry, no.”

 

That fucker leaned over so it was impossible to escape his smug gaze.  “Y’know, I just got an okay apartment, and I’m considering looking for a roommate…”

 

It was probably just the fact that it saved him the trouble of finding somewhere, but that concept didn’t sound bad at all.  “Fine, sure, okay.”

 

He stretched his hand out, prime for shaking.  “Jeremy.”

 

“Matt.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> such a swift update! which is because i finished this chapter pretty quickly after posting chapter one, and then i told myself to wait until i at least outlined chapter three to post it, and.. outlining takes less time than writing itself and chapter three's already halfway done oops  
> i'm very excited about this fic in general also

Jeremy was not bad at guitar.  Really,  _ really _ not bad at guitar.  One might say that he’s so not bad at it that he’s  _ good. _  But, it was keeping Matt awake.

 

While he liked to sleep, he also liked to listen, so he just accepted it.  A peek through the blinds told him that the sun had just started rising.  He very  _ grimly _ accepted it.

 

Right as he layed back down to listen a little longer in secret, the guitar stopped.  A couple moments after that, Matt could just barely hear Jeremy leaving his room and going about whatever morning routine he does.

 

This was the perfect opportunity for Matt to go back to sleep, but he ended up simply staring up at the ceiling a little while longer, humming what he could remember of the very tune that so rudely woke him in the first place.

 

* * *

 

He didn’t catch Jeremy until that evening- or, well, Jeremy caught him.  Physically.  With his hand on his arm.

 

“Hey, Matt, uh, before you go do whatever it is you do every night…”

 

“Stare at screens until I pass out?  Go on.”

 

“Woah, yeah, before you do that, I was thinking, we haven’t talked much in a while-”

 

“It’s the accent.”

 

“Didn’t need that-”

 

“You’re right, you don’t need that accent.”

 

“Matt, please, I’ve got things to discuss.”

 

He still couldn’t quite take him seriously, but sat down anyway.  “Alright, shoot.”

 

“So, no beatin’ around the bush, we’re criminals, yeah?”

 

“Yeah, I just robbed an icecream truck today.”

 

“Did you really?!”

 

“No?”

 

Jeremy looked a little disappointed.  “Well, anyway.  I want to talk about us maybe working together on our wrongful doings.”

 

“Yeah, because the one time we  _ have _ tried that it went _so_ well.”

 

“That wasn’t even planned, but we  _ could _ plan stuff like that.  Or other stuff, or bigger things.”  A twinkle in his eye and a hand on Matt’s shoulder, he used the other hand for a wide gesture.  “Jeremy and Matt, freelance duo!”

 

“How come your name goes first?  What about ‘Matt and Jeremy?’”

 

“I just thought it rolls off the tongue better.  And besides,” he reclined, looking very much like an asshole, “I’m the handsome one here.”

 

“... Don’t see it.”

 

“Wow, is tonight be-a-dick-to-Jeremy night or what?”

 

“You started it, when- wait, freelance?  What do you mean by  _ freelance _ ?”

 

The twinkle in Jeremy’s eyes came back.  “Well, what’re you good at?”

 

“... Uh.  Not much.”

 

“Oh, c’mon, I got a good feeling about you.”

 

“Alright, alright, I’m okay with cars.”

 

“Cars!  We can work with that.  How’re you in a fight?”

 

“I guess I can hold my own.  Maybe.  If I’m lucky.”

 

“I’ll teach you a thing or two.”

 

“Figured you could, Mr. Brick Shithouse.”

 

“That’s the first compliment you’ve given me since we met.”

 

“It is?  What about…  Oh.  I never said that out loud.  Pretend I didn’t say anything.”

 

Much like the first time they sat down and just talked, Jeremy moved himself in such a way that his smug look was inescapable.  “No, no, I’d love to hear it.”

 

“Well, y’know, you.”  ‘ _ When you were playing guitar this morning it woke me up but it was so good I didn’t mind,’ just say it. _  “When.”   _ C’mon, Matthew.  Too many words?  ‘I liked the guitar this morning.’  Boom. _  “This, uh.”   _ ‘Guitar good?’  Please, I just want to get this over with. _  “Good.”   _ Fuck. _

 

“You when this good?”

 

“Suck my dick.”

 

“Neither of those sound much like compliments.”

 

“You put me on the spot, you shit.”

 

“This is just getting worse and worse, I’m going to bed.”

 

“Great idea.”

 

Jeremy stopped along the way to his room to give Matt one last shitty look for the night.  “Now  _ that’s _ a compliment.”

 

“If I never hear that accent again I can die happy.”

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Matt was woken up by Jeremy once more.  Not with music this time, but with knocking.

 

Before Matt got up and opened the door, there was a long pause and the very beginning of a second set of knocks.  “What?”

 

Jeremy was mid-knock as the door opened, so his fist gently landed on Matt’s stomach, which was pretty confusing for both half-asleep parties.  “Breakfast?”

 

“Alright, just-”  His words got cut off by a yawn that was only a  _ little _ exaggerated.  “Yeah.”

 

First one to reach the kitchen, Jeremy went over to turn the coffee pot on.  “This a bad time to continue last night’s talk?”

 

Matt looked for a seat that was both close  _ and _ prevented him from possibly falling on his ass.  Upon failing to find anything, he just gave up and sat on the floor.  “No, no, go ahead.”

 

He nodded and pulled a bag of pancake mix out of the cupboard.  “Y’know, if you’re already good at cars, then you could learn how to make some stuff pretty easy…”

 

“Drugs?”

 

“I was thinking bombs.  You wanna do drugs?”  Setting the mix down, Jeremy blinked a couple times.  “It’s first thing in the morning, not sure what you want, as far as saying words right.”

 

Matt rubbed his eyes for a second. “I’m alright with bombs.”

 

They simply waited a little bit longer, until coffee was ready.  Pouring a mug for himself, Jeremy commented that “losing the accent shouldn’t be too hard, anyway.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Well, yeah.”  He clapped a hand on Matt’s shoulder with a twinkle in his eye.  “I feel like I’ll be spending plenty of time around  _ you _ from now on, buddy.”

 

“... Okay?”

 

Waiting for Matt to pour his own coffee first, Jeremy sat down on the floor with him.  They then let silence flow over them again for a little while.  “...I got a degree in animation, y’know.”

 

“No way.”

 

“I did!  But, uh,” mug in hand, he gestured all around, “guess I had a hard time getting a job with that.”

 

“Yeah, I kinda guessed that would be hard, but how’d you screw up  _ this _ bad?”

 

Face melting into the world’s softest smile, Jeremy stared those big brown eyes into the depths of Matt’s soul.  “Well, must not’ve been too bad if it let me meet you.”

 

If Matt said he wasn’t caught off guard by that, he’d be lying.  “... What?”

 

Jeremy let the silence sit for a moment, but then it was time to break out the cheeky grin. “I may need you to reach a shelf for me some day, who knows.”

 

“Alright, then.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for waiting for the gay to come. i am trying to slow burn but this chapter is much gayer than the last two tbh

Over the following weeks, they did in fact start spending more time together, but still spent half the day separated.  Matt would sit around in his makeshift workshop tinkering away, while Jeremy…  What  _ was _ Jeremy doing?

 

Well, whatever it was, it didn’t seem like it could be the most enjoyable thing.  Matt noted this when, for the umpteenth time, Jeremy walked in with a worried look and knuckles clenched white, slowly uncurling when he noticed Matt sitting on the couch.  He had no cuts or bruises from what Matt could tell, at least.

 

“Hey, man!”  Jeremy flopped down on the other end of the couch.  “How’s things going on your end?”

 

“I think I almost died.”

 

“Oh.  Well, but you didn’t- but- I, y’know, you could try something else if this is too much-”

 

“Dude, no, I’m pretty close to getting it right.”

 

He shrugged and smiled at him.  “Alright.”

 

Matt smiled back, mostly just on instinct at seeing Jeremy smile.  He was actually worried as hell.  “What about you?”

 

“Oh, me, I uh…  Hey, how’s my accent?”

 

Everything reeked of changing the subject, but that was an important part of the plan, too.  “Wait,  sample for me again?”

 

“How’s the accent doing?”

 

Now Matt’s smile was a little more real.  “Dude, another day or two and I’ll have to stop making fun of you for it.”

 

Jeremy started rubbing the back of his neck.  “Aww…”

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Matt?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“So, I was thinking.  Maybe we  _ don’t _ want to have our faces immediately known when we start getting down to business?”

 

“Well, I already got-”

 

“You’re  _ not _ gonna keep using that dirty paper bag.”  Using his usual tactic of being inescapable, Jeremy started giving Matt puppydog eyes.  “Besides, I was thinking maybe we could get matching masks…?”

 

Matt escaped having to look at Jeremy’s face and scoffed.  Who knew it was as simple as just looking down at your legs?  Amazing.  “How romantic.”

 

“Hey, now.”

 

Matt looked back at Jeremy with one eyebrow raised.  “Yeah?”

 

He blinked a couple times, mouth looking like a fish.  “I- I.”  Jeremy looked away, mere seconds before one may start suspecting that something like  _ feelings _ (gross) could be behind that stare.  “Nothing, just saying ‘hey,’ y’know?”

 

* * *

 

Well, they weren’t the only two browsing masks, so at least it wouldn’t get awkward or anything.

 

_ Awkward?  I’m the one who suggested getting matching masks.  It’s too late for me. _

 

“Hey, Jeremy.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Matt stared Jeremy down with a blank face for a moment, before flipping an alligator mask down over his face and immediately turning on a ridiculous Louisiana accent.  “Gotta look out for gator…”

 

“Dude, how am I supposed to match  _ that? _  It’s too good!”   _ Why was that adorable?  How is  _ Matt _ adorable?  … No-one must ever know. _

 

“Yeah, you’re right.”  Setting the mask back down, he glanced around at the other options.  “Well, what do you think?  Matching was  _ your _ idea.”

 

The man browsing another rack over, somehow slightly taller than Matt, offered up a mask from the shelf he was looking at.  “I know you definitely weren’t asking me, but you seem like a badger guy.”

 

“Dude!”  Matt took the badger mask and held it up by his face.  “Think you could work with this?”

 

Let’s pretend for a moment that Jeremy hasn’t been having some pretty confusing feelings for this half of the chapter.  Because that’s what Jeremy is pretending right now, grabbing a random mask without looking.  “Uhh…”  A chinchilla mask stared back at him.  “Hairy animals?”

 

“Yeah, that works.”

 

“I don’t think either of you need masks to be hairy animals, but…”

 

This tall stranger was correct, but Jeremy still stared at him.  “And you are…?”

 

“I’m Trevor.”

 

“I’ve never heard of you in my life.”

 

“Well, I live across from you two, but I guess you boys are just too busy to notice that.”

 

“... Oh.”

 

All three stood in silence for an eternity, until Matt placed a hand on Jeremy’s back and decided to stop all this nonsense.  “Nice to meet you, but uh.  We’ve got masks to buy, c’mon Jer.”

 

_ Jer?  Jer.  Stop.  You’re already ruining my life.  I don’t need more of this.  Please. _  “Right, yeah, masks.  Yeah.”

 

Trevor waved before starting to inspect probably one of the oddest masks in the store.  “See ya.”

 

Jeremy followed Matt to the register before addressing any part of the encounter that just happened.  “... Why ‘Jer?’”

 

“What, I can’t start coming up with nicknames for my future partner in crime?”

 

_ Oh god.  Ohhh  _ god. _  Fuck. _  “Uhm… I can’t think of any way to shorten ‘Matt,’ so that’s a problem.”

 

* * *

 

That night, Jeremy stared up at the ceiling for quite some time.  Usually, showers are a great way to clear your head, but he’s already taken two that night.  It’d be suspicious.  And cold.

 

Besides, Matt was currently using the shower, despite Jeremy’s warning that his nipples would probably freeze off or something.  “I need my hair to not be gross,” he’d say.  What a trooper.

 

Speaking of Matt, that’s the reason Jeremy’s having trouble sleeping.  He has plenty of other things in his life that could be keeping him up instead.  This fact was just making it worse.

 

Grabbing a pillow and cuddling it close, Jeremy decided that  _ okay, this is just a silly little crush, this means nothing, and it’ll go away soon enough. _  He listened to the shower pitter-patter for a little bit longer before closing his eyes.   _ It’ll go away kicking and screaming, but it’ll still go away. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as far as average word counts go this is short but it's just long enough in my heart

Back in South Carolina, Matt didn’t get in a whole lot of practice at being sneaky.  Keeping a secret or two, yes.  But all he could think to do here was put on some sunglasses.  And apparently get a milkshake.

 

“Hey, Matt.”

 

Matt’s soul practically leapt from his body, and he turned around to see Trevor.  “Jesus, what’re you doing here?”

 

“Y’know what they say about milkshakes and boys.”  He took a big sip from a drink of his own.  “Oh, and it’s probably easier to spy on Jeremy from the other end of the block.”

 

“I’m not spying on Jeremy.”  However, he  _ did _ start walking that way.  “... I’m not.”

 

Trevor just shrugged and followed him.  “Sure.”

 

“He’s just-  He keeps coming home kinda stressed out, alright?”

 

“Pretty sure asking him about it would be much more efficient than this, but okay.”

 

“Look, just.  I’m not great at talking sometimes.”

 

Trevor shrugged again and scanned the other side of the street.  “Hope you’re at least good at acting casual.”

 

“Dude.”  Matt sat down on the nearest bench and sprawled out as much as he could without straining anything.  “Don’t worry.”

 

“I was bringing it up because Jeremy’s _staring_ _right at us._ ”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

Sure enough, Jeremy had just walked out of one of the buildings across the way, looking in their direction.  He started crossing the street, not breaking eye contact.

 

“Aren’t you at least gonna try looking a little less suspicious?”

 

“I sit on our couch like this all the time, anything  _ else _ would be suspicious.”

 

“I’m so glad I don’t live with you boys.”

 

Jeremy got to where they were, looking back and forth between them, confused.  “Hey guys?”

 

“Hey, uh.”  Matt offered his milkshake to Jeremy.  “Oreo?”

 

Still not dropping the perplexed look, Jeremy took a sip and handed it back.  “What’s up?”

 

“Oh, y’know.  Milkshakes.”

 

“Matt was trying to spy on you.”

 

“Dude.”

 

* * *

 

“... Do you  _ have _ to watch me work?”

 

“If you can watch me, I can watch you.”

 

“But you said you accepted my apology.”

 

“Hey, I already got my stuff done for today, what else am I supposed to do right now?”  He watched Matt’s annoyed look as he spun his chair around.  “I’ll make it worth it.”

 

Matt looked back at Jeremy’s seat in the corner.  “Really, now?”

 

Jeremy picked up his guitar and grinned.  “Yup!”

 

He smiled before looking away again, which only made Jeremy feel a  _ little _ like he was dying.

 

Only allowing himself at most half a minute to reflect on how nice Matt’s smile is, Jeremy started strumming out whatever songs came to mind.  (Which happened to start with that one song that once woke up Matt.  However unintentional, that’s still pretty gay.)

 

He lost track of time, playing one song after another, until eventually he looked up and saw Matt sitting next to him.

 

“How long have you been sitting there?”

 

Matt counted it on his fingers.  “Five songs.”

 

“Whoops.”  Jeremy set the guitar down and put his hands to rest in his lap.  “Well… how’s it going?”

 

With a twinkle in his eye, Matt placed a hand on one of Jeremy’s.  “You wanna come test it out?”

 

Pretty much everything inside of Jeremy was screaming right now, either from excitement or denial.  “Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

“An empty field?”

 

“What, you want me to blow up a bank or something before I even know if these things work?  Fuck you.”

 

Jeremy shook his head as Matt walked away to set the bomb up.  “I figured at least a car or something.”

 

“Should’ve brought an extra car, then.”  Matt came back and sat on the hood by Jeremy.

 

Yes, yes, Jeremy was very excited to see how things go here.  But his friend he’s got a silly little crush on is sitting on the hood of his car in a wide open field, the moonlight dancing over his hair and the city twinkling behind him.  So, obviously Jeremy was going to try wrapping an arm behind Matt’s back, like any romance star would.

 

Sadly, both of them were soon distracted, because no amount of poetry can change the fact that they’re out here to test bombs.

 

Well, the thing definitely works.  Jeremy took his eyes off Matt long enough to verify that, yup, that’s an explosion.  A pretty big one.

 

Looking back to the  _ matt _ er at hand, it seems that he’d gotten so excited that he jumped down from the hood.  After the orange light had faded from his face, he turned to Jeremy and hugged him tightly.

 

They didn’t need any words right then.  Jeremy wondered if those would lessen the more metaphorical explosion going on on his end.

 

_ Alright, I guess I might just straight up be in love. _

**Author's Note:**

> ok see i'm slightly more prepared then i was when i started posting far too young to die but not by much........ the next chapter's already almost done but i have no chapters outlined after that


End file.
